I was not happy at all with the answers this test was making me choose from, so here are the REAL answers I'd give to each one. Oh, and I'd love to see what you guys would answer. You can find the original test at
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=17048238509886995797
1. When I talk dirty, I...
A: ...go for the crazy mad scientist googly-eyed approach.
2. When it comes to erotic entertainment, I prefer...
A: Kinky cartoons!
3. My sexual fantasies include...
A: You, your evil clone, several piercings to act as anchor points for very short chains and a concrete canister big enough for three.
4. The best sex advice comes from...
A: Batgirl fanfiction.
5. Great sex is...
A: ... a burlap sack over the head and a car ride in a soundproof trunk away!
6. Orgasms are...
A: Um... nice?
7. I know what "lubricious" means
A: Well, damn you. Wait. Are you female? Then that is hot and good!
8. Pleasing my partner in bed is:
A: Step number 12 out of 104
9. The greatest sex of all is:
A: Shaak Ti from Clone Wars and Ayla from Chrono Trigger getting it on.
10. Which is the biggest turn-on?
A: Seriously? A cheerful Goth. So sexy!
11. My mind wanders during sex...
A: Well, yeah, but to sex-related matters, so it's all good.
12. The thought of my partner with someone else:
A. What did you think my mind was wandering to during sex?
13. Oral sex is...
A. ... the reason I'm unimpressed with the 'vagina with teeth' horror story. I mean, mouths have teeth, and most guys don't have a problem with them.
14. Phone sex is...
A: Ok. Depends on the phone.
15. Sexual teasing is...
A: Heaven's VIP section.
16. My lover's sexual history...
A: ...serves as entertainment and warning.
17. Sex with an anonymous stranger...
A: Not quite as potent a fantasy as sex with an anonymous person you know!
18. How often do you think about sex in the average day?
A: Once. But it lasts 24 hours.
19. When you masturbate...
A: ... I type with my left hand.
20. Having a sexy mind...
A: ... is as important as a sexy body. Yeah, I'm shallow AND picky.
21. People with advanced vocabulary and impeccable grammar...
A: ...make the hottest nun-fetish models.
22. The craziest thing you've ever done sexually...
A: Is yet to happen.
23. I'd rather have...
A: A fun, weird, sexy girlfriend, but would be quite happy with an occasional playmate at this point.
24. What do you think of erotic fiction.
A: Wish I'd stop fucking around and actually write some.
25. Another way of saying sexual intercourse...
A: The Beast with Two Backs. Love that one!
26. The sexiest thing about music is...
A: The softcore hentai fan-made youtube videos it inspires.
27. Which phrase is the sexiest?
A: I'll spare you. None of the listed ones where all that good.
28. What about sleeping with idiots and airheads?
A: Didn't like the listed answers either, which teetered between hostile and dismissive. If a person is nice, warm, caring, and gets a kick out of what you're doing, then so what if they're not geniuses? As if geniuses couldn't be selfish, abusive, horrible lovers.
29. Seven times three threes plus the square root of thirty-six.
A: Take me now!
30. Did you enjoy taking this test?
A: Why do I have the feeling that answering 'no' will result in you instantly failing? Anyway, I rather did.
